


Three's A Crowd

by perculious



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Get Together, Jealousy, M/M, also a lot of go, why is there no tag for go this is hikago fandom for god's sake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-26
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-19 14:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/574288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perculious/pseuds/perculious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What do you mean, I don't know him?" Hikaru said, his hand paused on the board. "Who is it?" How did Touya manage to find a friend Hikaru didn't know? Did Touya ever talk to anyone who wasn't a go pro? Besides his parents? Touya had still never really managed to warm up to Hikaru's friends, and he and Hikaru had been hanging out and playing go together for years.</p>
<p>"His name is Ito," Touya said, and his voice was really weird, not like Hikaru had ever heard it before. He was looking down at the table, and Hikaru couldn't read his expression. "I'm sorry, I won't be late again."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three's A Crowd

**Author's Note:**

  * For [onlysayitonce](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlysayitonce/gifts).



> I originally posted this a couple years ago on my writing LJ, so you may have read it already there.

  
Touya was ten minutes late.  
  
Hikaru sighed, and looked at his watch. The second hand had barely moved since the last time he'd looked. It wasn't a big deal, it wasn't like Hikaru'd never been late to one of their meetings at the go salon before, but that was the point, wasn't it? Hikaru  _never_ had to wait for Touya, at least not anymore. Touya was just supposed to wait here for him.  
  
Ichikawa was looking over at him, smiling faintly, like Hikaru's obvious annoyance was funny somehow. It wasn't  _funny_. Touya was being  _rude_.  She should be concerned.  
  
Just then, Hikaru heard the sound of the door to the salon open. Touya walked in calmly, handing his bag to Ichikawa and smiling at her, saying a few words of greeting. He made his way over to Hikaru, waving as if he hadn't even noticed his lateness.  
  
"I've been waiting," Hikaru said, crossing his arms and glaring at Touya as he sat down on the other side of the table. Touya's eyes widened.  
  
"Oh," he said, flushing a little. "Sorry. I was out with a friend."  
  
He reached for the nearest go-ke as if that settled the matter. Hikaru followed his example, the heavy weight of the go stones comfortingly familiar in his hands.  
  
"Ashiwara?" Hikaru said, moving aside the lid. White. He grabbed a handful of cool, smooth stones.  
  
Touya shook his head slightly, his hair falling over his face.  
  
"Ogata?" Hikaru placed his fist on the board, clutching the stones. Touya placed one black stone, and Hikaru opened his fist, the stones falling out with a cascade of little plinks.  
  
"No, you don't know him," Touya said, and now he was definitely flushing. "Let's just play. Look, you're black."  
  
"What do you mean, I don't know him?" Hikaru said, his hand paused on the board. "Who is it?" How did Touya manage to find a friend Hikaru didn't know? Did Touya ever talk to anyone who wasn't a go pro? Besides his parents? Touya had still never really managed to warm up to Hikaru's friends, and he and Hikaru had been hanging out and playing go together for years.  
  
"His name is Ito," Touya said, and his voice was really weird, not like Hikaru had ever heard it before. He was looking down at the table, and Hikaru couldn't read his expression. "I'm sorry, I won't be late again."  
  
Hikaru really wanted to ask more questions, but he'd been waiting to play go so long his fingertips were itching, so instead he slid his go-ke across the table to Touya. Touya raised his head and closed his soft white hands around it, his face clearing. Go required full concentration.  
  
-  
  
Hikaru lost the first game, which was ten-second hands, but won the second in yose by half a moku. Touya fought him heatedly over a move he'd made halfway through that had drastically changed his shape and, Hikaru pointed out with a jabbed finger on the board, half-rising from his seat, aggressively challenged Touya's territory.  
  
"And weakened yours," Touya said. "Look, you could have played here and strengthened your position. That would have made it more difficult for me to cut through here."  
  
"But I won!" Hikaru said, raising his voice.  
  
"Only in yose! If I was in this position I would have made you resign!"  
  
"You only say that now because you're embarrassed that you lost. I played a solid game!"  
  
"Solid? If that's solid, then the new beginner pros should be winning some titles soon."  
  
"Oh yeah? And what about this corner? You concentrated here and neglected the battle in the upper left!"  
  
The sun was sinking down in the sky by the time Hikaru left, and he pulled his jacket tighter around him against the rising chill. He had a match tomorrow, he remembered. Who was it with? Some 2-dan he'd taken an instant disliking to after hearing him make a disparaging comment about Isumi's game during a lunch break. Well, it shouldn't be too hard.  
  
When he got back to the apartment, Waya was already home, sitting with his laptop on top of the go-ban and eating a roll. Hikaru greeted him, but he just grunted, staring at the screen. Hikaru went to the cupboard to find some instant ramen for dinner. While it was cooking, he picked up the copy of  _Weekly_   _Go_  sitting on the counter, flipping through idly. Usual bluster from Kuwabara about holding onto his title forever, and a feature on insei looking towards next year's exam.  
  
"Ha!" Waya said, snapping his laptop closed. "He resigned."  
  
"Waya, you're a 4-dan and most of those internet players are amateurs. It's not exactly impressive."  
  
"You can say that, but any game is practice," Waya said. "How'd it go with Touya?"  
  
"I won," Hikaru said, choosing to leave out the fact that he lost a game first. "I'll show you the game if you want."  
  
"Sure."  
  
Waya would definitely be on his side, Hikaru thought, turning the page of the magazine and leaning back against the counter.  If Touya didn't think the move was a good one, well, he was the one who let himself get into a vulnerable position in the first place—  
  
He paused on the page detailing the upcoming matches for the week. There was his match with the 2-dan, Waya's match with Saeki, Touya's match with Kadowaki... and Ochi was playing an Ito 1-dan.  
  
 _Ito_. Hikaru's fingers clenched on the magazine page. So was that the Ito that Touya was late because of? A  _1_ - _dan_? Of course, Shindo knew more than anyone how insignificant dan levels could be, but if he was good enough to catch Touya's eye, Hikaru would definitely have heard of him before, right? And yet Touya seemed so sure that Hikaru didn't know him and wouldn't be interested.  
  
Hikaru noticed that he was crumpling the magazine in annoyance, and put it down. It was just that Touya was never, ever late, so if he was late, this Ito must have been a big deal. Were they playing a game? Hikaru wished he could see it. Was it good? Was Ito better than Hikaru? Hikaru remembered Touya's negative words about his game with a sudden unpleasant jolt. Was he disappointed because he was comparing Hikaru to Ito? Was—  
  
The hiss of the ramen boiling over snapped him to attention. He ran to the stove to turn the heat off, his heart pounding.  
  
"Waya, have you heard of Ito 1-dan?" he said, trying to keep his tone casual.  
  
"Ito?" Waya stood, and stretched. "I don't think so. Oh... I think he played Morishita in the new first dan series. He was okay. Morishita beat him easily."  
  
Okay, so what did that mean? Not being able to beat Morishita was hardly a fair test of someone's skill, especially a new pro. Maybe Touya saw potential in him. Maybe... Hikaru felt his stomach drop. If Touya thought he was worth playing with over Hikaru...  
  
But Touya had been acknowledging him as his rival for years! It wasn't like Touya wasn't allowed to play go with anyone else. It was probably just that one time, Hikaru thought, and then Touya had come to the go salon to play with Hikaru, as it should be. Next time, Hikaru would just have to play even more tightly, to remind Touya why the hand of God was going to come from Hikaru and Hikaru alone. Or possibly Touya, in a close game with Hikaru. But not any stupid interfering 1-dans.  
  
-  
  
Hikaru won his match the next day, and spent the rest of the afternoon playing Waya and Isumi at his place. The next day he had to make an appearance at a go convention to play tutoring matches, and the day after that he had a study session, so he didn't have another chance to see Touya until Friday.  
  
They didn't have a planned meeting this time, but Touya usually went to the go salon after his matches anyway, so Hikaru figured he could just drop by. Touya would probably be happy to play him rather than sitting and recreating games by himself.  
  
But when he got there and said hi to Ichikawa, Touya wasn't by himself. He was sitting across from a tall boy with wavy hair, and they were playing a game.  
  
Hikaru hadn't seen him before, but it wasn't uncommon for people in the salon to ask Touya for tutoring games. He walked over to grab a chair nearby and watch until Touya was done.  
  
It was immediately clear that this was not a tutoring game. Hikaru could tell just from the look on Touya's face. Touya's game aura was distinctive and unmistakable. It had led people to coo at him for how cute and serious he was when he was younger, but now, on Touya's lean adult frame, it was intimidating. Hikaru had seen it, the way opponents would be lured into comfort by his pleasant pre-game demeanor, even with his formidable reputation, and then be stunned when the game started and they were suddenly being attacked by the most vicious of hunters.  
  
Looking at the board, however, it didn't seem like Touya was having any problems. His black stones had cornered the other boy's white stones in several places, ruthlessly leaving him no room to expand. The gap in skill was obvious—but it was interesting that Touya was playing this seriously, not holding back. It was a sign of respect, as Hikaru knew all too well, given that he'd yearned to see exactly that attitude directed towards  _him_  for years.  
  
"Aah," the boy said finally, sitting back and rubbing the back of his head with one hand. "This is awful! I resign."  
  
Touya relaxed back into his chair, blinking a little.  
  
"It wasn't that bad," he said warmly. Hikaru snorted despite himself, and Touya looked up at him. "Oh, Shindo! I didn't see you."  
  
"I came to see if..." Hikaru paused. Touya was flushing again, pink spreading across his cheeks, although he was obviously trying to hide it. "Um, if you were free for a game."  
  
"Oh! Sure," Touya said. "Yes, I'm free. Um. This is Ito 1-dan. Ito, this is Shindo 5-dan."  
  
"I know!" Ito said, his face breaking out in a smile. "It's wonderful to meet you. Your game in September against Kurata—I studied that kifu for days! It was incredible!"  
  
"Thanks," Hikaru said, eyeing Ito suspiciously. First he took up Hikaru's time with Touya, and now he was here playing Touya in _their_  salon. Well, technically it was only really Touya's salon, but they always played there and this Ito person never had before. And he'd gotten Touya to focus on him so intently. The thought of Touya's face, his expression of extreme concentration, as if he was locked in a real battle rather than a one-sided slaughter, made Hikaru's stomach twist oddly. Why was Touya doing that for this stupid beginner, anyway? Why was he getting special treatment?  
  
"Anyway, I can play you," Touya said, smiling up at him. Hikaru felt his annoyance melting. The prospect of playing Touya was always good to cheer him up.  
  
"Cool, can I watch?" Ito said, and Hikaru whipped his head around to shoot him a glare. Then he remembered to be polite, as if Sai was yelling it in his head, so he smoothed out his expression and glanced at Touya to gauge his reaction.  
  
Touya was absolutely beaming. It gave Hikaru another odd feeling that he didn't know quite how to interpret. He couldn't pinpoint what about this situation was making him so uncomfortable, but it was.  
  
He sat down and started clearing away stones from the board. He was determined not to let this weirdness distract him from the game, but he was already pretty sure he wasn't going to be able to play his best. And it always took Hikaru's best to get the advantage on Touya. That was exactly what Hikaru liked about him.  
  
-  
  
Hikaru tried not to think about it after he left, but odd things kept reminding him of the situation. He didn't know what made him feel worse—Touya's game face directed at Ito, or that absolutely sincere, heartfelt smile.  
  
But still, he reminded himself, it was just one person Touya was playing go with, and Touya played go with a lot of people. It wasn't like Ito was on the same level as Hikaru, or anything. Not in go, and not in anything else either.  
  
Things went on as normal for the next week, with matches and practices and games every night with Waya. On his way out of the Go Institute one afternoon, Hikaru spotted Touya walking out the door. He jogged to catch up to him, running outside.  
  
"Touya!"  
  
Touya turned, smiling when he saw Hikaru.  
  
"Hi," Hikaru said. "So, I have the day free on Saturday, and I checked your schedule so I know you do too. Do you want to just make it a joint practice day? We could play a little, and then there's this Shuusaku kifu I've been meaning to show you, I think you'll really like it—"  
  
"That sounds great," Touya interrupted him, "but um, I have plans."  
  
Hikaru paused. "You have plans? What plans? Is there an event?"  
  
"No," Touya said slowly. "I just have plans, that's all."  
  
Hikaru frowned, looking at him closely.  
  
"Is it go-related? Can I come?" he said.  
  
"Um," Touya said. He looked uncomfortable. "It's not... it wouldn't be interesting for you."  
  
Hikaru narrowed his eyes. "It's with that guy, isn't it?"  
  
Touya looked straight at him, seeming to gather up his resolve. "So?" he said. "So what if it is?"  
  
"I don't get it!" Hikaru burst out. This was probably not something he should be talking about, but he was always bad at keeping things inside his head. "What is so great about him? He's not even good! Why do you keep blowing me off to play go with some stupid third-rate 1-dan who can't even put up a good—"  
  
"We're not playing go together," Touya hissed, glancing around to make sure no one else was there to hear. "Hikaru, we're  _dating_."  
  
Hikaru paused, mouth open, the wind totally knocked out of him.  
  
" _What_?" he squawked.  
  
"Shhh!" Touya said, slapping a hand over his mouth. "I didn't want to tell you because I don't want people to know, okay? But for god's sake, Shindo, I'm not replacing you or anything. He's my—he's my boyfriend," Touya said, suddenly seeming awkward.  
  
Hikaru just stared at him, eyes wide. His head was spinning. Okay, so Touya wasn't playing go with anyone else. So Hikaru was definitely still his main and only rival. That should make him feel better, right? But for some reason the gnawing feeling in his stomach just felt worse. Touya was  _dating_  someone? Hikaru'd never dated anyone, not properly—girls had flirted with him, especially as he got more and more prominent in the go world, but he'd never had time for anything to really develop. After all, time spent with someone you liked was time spent not studying go, and therefore not moving forward while other people were.  
  
And Touya—Touya was, like, Mr. Awkward Socially Inept Child Genius. When did he manage to find a boyfriend? The boy part, okay, that was hardly a surprise, but the  _friend_  part? Touya barely had any of those to begin with, at least ones that weren't twenty years older than him.  
  
Touya cautiously removed his hand from Hikaru's mouth. "Sorry," he said.  
  
" _How_?" Hikaru blurted out, and then instantly regretted it. "I didn't mean that," he said. "I just mean—where did you meet—how did you—?"  
  
"He asked me out," Touya said, prickling. "It's not that unthinkable."  
  
"No, I didn't mean that! I just—" Hikaru broke off, searching for the right question to clear his mind of this awful uneasiness. There was nothing wrong with Touya dating, of course, except... it just felt like it was wrong. For some reason. "Um," he said. "So... do you want to play on a different day then?"  
  
"Next Saturday's fine," Touya said, his tone still guarded. He was looking at Hikaru suspiciously, as if Hikaru might explode.  
  
"Okay, next Saturday," Hikaru said, his heart pounding.  
  
-  
  
It would be disrespectful and wrong to tell anyone, of course. Except for Waya, because Hikaru had to vent about it to  _someone_.  
  
"It's like an insult to me," Hikaru said, pacing back and forth in their apartment and gripping his fan in his fist. "Because I'm going to be spending Saturday practicing, obviously. And he's going to spend it—" Hikaru stopped short, suddenly faced with the prospect of how Touya was going to spend Saturday. What did he do with Ito, anyway? A sudden image popped into his head, Touya kissing Ito, their bodies intertwined—Hikaru felt sick.  
  
"Not practicing?" Waya filled in. He was barely paying attention, replaying a game of his from last week on the go-ban.  
  
"Exactly!" Hikaru said, pointing at him with the fan. "So it's like, does he even think I'm a threat? Shouldn't he be worried that I'll be improving while he's busy—doing stuff?"  
  
"It's just one day, Shindo. He's allowed to have a personal life," Waya said, sitting back and looking up at him. "Look, can you come play black? I want to try something."  
  
Being allowed to have a personal life  _sounded_  reasonable, but it still made Hikaru feel like Touya was doing this to offend him personally.  
  
"Sure," he said reluctantly, coming over to sit on the floor on the opposite side from Waya. "Who's black?"  
  
"Ochi."  
  
"Oh, then I'll play extra badly."  
  
"Shindo," Waya said, giving him a look.  
  
"Fine," Hikaru said. He studied the board briefly, and then played a stone.  
  
Waya frowned at it, playing with his white stone in his hand as he contemplated.  
  
"I mean, he's not even that great," Hikaru said.  
  
Waya looked up at him. "Touya Akira isn't that great?"  
  
"No, the 1-dan. Ito. He's not good at go and he's not even attractive."  
  
Waya sighed, sitting back and leaning on his hands. "Well, you're not the one dating him. So."  
  
"I know," Hikaru said, and fell silent.  
  
After that, Hikaru was determined to make a ton of progress on his own on Saturday. Being beaten again after Hikaru came up with an incredible strategy he had learned while Touya was out dithering around with a stupid 1-dan was exactly what Touya deserved.  
  
Hikaru went out to his regular go salon, which he still thought of as  _his_  despite the fact that he probably spent twice as much time at Touya's. It wasn't always the best place to deeply concentrate on Shuusaku kifus, because there was usually a generous handful of people who wanted to play him, but on the other hand, that was exactly why he liked being there.  
  
After submitting to a hair-ruffling from Kawai and eager congratulations on his recent win, Hikaru announced that he had to do serious pro practice now and took a table off in a corner, a little away from the rush. Usually, once he got into the go, he found it easy to block out the noise and concentrate. But this time, his thoughts kept straying away.   
  
It was just curiosity, of course. Touya said he had plans, but what did that mean? What were they doing? Hanging out at Touya's house? Somehow, Hikaru couldn't see Touya flirting with his boyfriend while under the somber, watchful gaze of Touya Kouyo. Actually, Hikaru couldn't see Touya flirting with anyone at all. Did he know how to do that? It was probably just all this Ito kid flirting and Touya sitting around awkwardly in an oversized sweater, blushing. At that image, Hikaru was struck by a pang so strong he slammed down the stone he was holding in frustration, and it skidded out of place. He swore under his breath, and slid it back to the right place, but he knew he hadn't properly thought through why it was even there.  
  
Okay, he needed to focus. It didn't help to just place stones in the right order if you weren't focusing. Why would Sai's opponent have placed his stone here? Because he was anticipating that Sai would move in on the right side. But Sai seemed to be playing more subtly than that. If Hikaru didn't have the kifu in front of him, what would he have read into it? Maybe...  
  
Maybe they had gone to Ito's house. Hikaru knew Touya said they weren't playing go, but it seemed difficult to believe that Touya would spend all this time with a fellow go-player, especially one who could benefit so much from Touya's instruction, and not play. Unless they really did just spend all their time kissing, and—other things, things that made Hikaru blanch to think about, like his thoughts were trying to crawl away from that space in his head. The thought of what made this a relationship, what entitled Touya to call Ito his  _boyfriend_ —it made Hikaru feel squeamish.  
  
Ugh, if he didn't focus he was just as bad as Touya. Hikaru put his head in his hands and groaned aloud.  
  
"Hey, kid, are you okay?"  
  
Hikaru raised his head. It was Kawai.  
  
"I'm fine," he muttered. "It's just—a really complex game." Right, he needed to think.  
  
-  
  
Tuesday was Hikaru's next match. It was the beginning of Meijin league preliminaries, so it was guaranteed that things would start to get rough. Touya, particularly, was always extra intense in the Meijin league, and for someone as usually intense as Touya, that meant practically making his opponents resign with his glare alone. Although Touya Kouyo had had several titles, Meijin was his first and the one that people still associated with him. Touya seemed to see the elusive title, which he'd been trying to win for years,  as some sort of hereditary right, or some way to prove that he was more than capable of filling the hole in the Japanese go world that his father left. Meijin league preliminaries also meant that Hikaru would probably get to play Touya in an official match sometime soon, which was always exciting.  
  
He was facing off against a 7-dan who he'd played before, just once or twice, but enough to know that he didn't like playing him. The 7-dan had a way of creeping around the edges of the battlefield and keeping his strategy opaque for the longest time possible, and it made Hikaru uneasy. Hikaru felt he was making good progress at first, but at some point halfway through the game it seemed that the tables had turned on him, and he couldn't figure out how it had happened. In the end, he took the game into yose, but only in the vain hope that his opponent would make a mistake. He didn't, and Hikaru lost by three moku.  
  
He could still build up a good win-loss ratio, of course, but it put him in a terrible mood to lose on the first day. He was absolutely positive Touya wouldn't have lost today, which meant that Hikaru would have to work extra hard to keep up.  
  
Actually... what time was it? Hikaru's match, long and arduous as it was, had taken almost the entire time allotted, so there was a good chance that Touya was done already. Hikaru headed off through the halls of the institute to check the game results for the day.  
  
Or he would have, if he hadn't caught sight of Touya on his way there, sitting in a practice room. Hikaru skidded to a halt and poked his head through the open doorway. Touya was playing Ito on one of the practice go boards.  
  
Hikaru  _knew_  they played go together. Touya looked fairly relaxed, too, so he had probably won his real game. A Touya who had lost on the first day of Meijin preliminaries wouldn't look relaxed. He would be tense and snappish.  
  
At the sight of them, Hikaru felt resentment boiling deep within him. He had lost a match, and Touya was here playing go with  _Ito_. Hikaru often emerged from a match to find Touya watching, and when Hikaru finished matches before Touya, he almost always caught the tail end of his game as well. In some ways Hikaru was glad that Touya hadn't seen him lose so painfully, but right now he almost wanted to hear what Touya had to say about how terribly and hopelessly he'd handled it. At least it would show that Touya was paying attention.  
  
Ito said something, and Touya laughed, and then they were clearing the stones off the board, so the game was clearly done. Hikaru marched into the room, trying not to look as upset as he felt.  
  
"Shindo!" Touya said when he saw him. "How was your match?"  
  
Well, he would  _know_  if he'd bothered  _checking_.  
  
"Loss," Hikaru said, shrugging. "Can I—um, you're playing go?"  
  
"Speed go," Touya said amiably.  
  
"Can I play?" Hikaru was aware that his tone was all wrong for the situation, hard and serious when this was obviously just a friendly meeting. But he couldn't help it.  
  
"Oh, sure," Touya said. "Ito, do you mind if I—"  
  
"I meant him," Hikaru said. "Ito 1-dan. Can we play a quick game?"  
  
Ito looked up at him, eyes round with surprise. He was really  _not_  attractive. Not even a little. And he was much too tall for Touya.  
  
"Me?" he said. "But I'm—I mean, yes! Definitely!"  
  
At least he realized that it was a privilege to play such an advanced player, Hikaru thought with some satisfaction. Touya was looking at him oddly, his brow furrowed. Again, Hikaru knew he could easily play this off as something frivolous, just a random whim, but he couldn't seem to stop himself from showing how he really felt, which was anything but frivolous. He knew Ito wasn't a threat, because he was nowhere near Hikaru's level, but he still felt the need to beat him, as if that would prove something.  
  
Touya moved down a seat so that Hikaru could sit at the table opposite Ito. They agreed on two stones as a handicap, and then the game began.  
  
Within ten moves, Hikaru already knew how it was going to play out. He had his network of stones in place, and Ito was blithely oblivious, trying gamely to challenge Hikaru in the upper right corner when Hikaru had already made provisions for the three next battles that would develop. There was really no need for him to be so thorough—he could have maneuvered around Ito's weak expansion with barely any strategy at all—but it was somehow satisfying to outread and outplay Ito so dramatically, to make the gap between them so blindingly clear.  
  
Ito eventually resigned with a shrug, brushing it off. They'd both known at the beginning of the match that Hikaru would win, so it wasn't unexpected. But Touya was frowning at Hikaru from the sidelines, looking perplexed, as though Hikaru had just played an unusual hand. When Touya had played Ito earlier in the go salon, he'd gone all out, but apparently it was strange for Hikaru to do the same. He felt suddenly awkward about this whole thing, like he'd given away more than he meant to.  
  
Ito was gathering his things anyway, chattering about some place he had to be. He confirmed some kind of plans with Touya for later, thanked Hikaru for the game, and then hurried out.  
  
Touya immediately moved his chair closer to Hikaru's, and grabbed his wrist. His fingers were hot against Hikaru's skin, and they were alone in the room now. Hikaru felt his heart start to pound.  
  
"You didn't have to do that," Touya said, his eyes narrowing.  
  
"What?" Hikaru said, although he knew.  
  
"Crush him like that. Why did you want to play him in the first place?"  
  
Hikaru was acutely regretting it now, squirming under Touya's even, assessing gaze, although at the time it had seemed very important.  
  
"I don't know," he said. "I just thought it might be interesting."  
  
"You knew you'd win," Touya said. "You could have made it helpful, showed him something he could learn from. You didn't have to annihilate him. I think he does have potential—"  
  
Hikaru made an involuntary indignant noise in his throat.  
  
"—But he's not at your level and he wasn't trying to play a serious, high-stakes game."  
  
"I just wanted to see what he'd do," Hikaru said.  
  
Touya kept looking at him for a long pause, and then sat back a little, although his expression was no less guarded. "It's not any of your business, Shindo," he said finally.  
  
And that was what really got to Hikaru. Not just that Touya was spending so much time with this other person and not focusing on go and not focusing on his rivalry with Hikaru, but that Touya seemed to think that Hikaru should just stay out of it altogether, that it had nothing to do with him at all. And okay, Hikaru could kind of see that in  _theory_  a relationship was between two people, and professional rivals should stay out of it, but in practice being shut out so completely made Hikaru feel panicky and needy in a way that he really, really hated.  
  
"Why not?" he blurted out, before he could stop himself. "Why isn't it my business?   
  
"Because it's my life!"  
  
"But why would you spend so much time with someone who can't even play go well? You should—" Hikaru abruptly cut himself short, as his brain—uncharacteristically—raced ahead of his mouth and realized that finishing that sentence would become problematic.  _You_   _should_   _be_   _with_   _someone_   _who_   _can_   _challenge_   _you_ ,  _someone_   _who_   _is_   _your_   _equal_ ,  _someone_   _you_   _can_   _respect_. It all pointed straight back at Hikaru, with implications he wasn't sure he wanted to bring up right in front of Touya's face. He was suddenly hyper-aware of their close proximity, Touya's face just a foot or so away from Hikaru's, and Touya's fingers still grasping his wrist. Hikaru wondered if Touya could feel his pulse; he hoped not, as the way it kicked up when Touya was staring at him like that was highly embarrassing. Hikaru hoped he wasn't going red.  
  
"Sorry," he babbled. "You're right, it's none of my business, I'm sorry. I won't do it again," he added, although he wasn't sure what he was talking about. Challenging Touya's boyfriend to a game of go? Nosing into Touya's personal life?  
  
Hikaru pushed his chair away rom the table and stood, and Touya's hand fell away from his wrist. He felt a brief flash of disappointment at the loss of contact, but he squelched it. He had no idea what was going on with him right now, but this was not the time to deal with it.  
  
"I'll see you," he said quickly. He waited half a second to see if Touya was going to answer, but Touya just looked even more confused. Hikaru fled.  
  
-  
  
If it hadn't seemed like the right time to process things when he was sitting right next to Touya, it really didn't feel like it when he got home. Nor did it the next day, when he had a study session and Morishita decided to make an example of Hikaru's lost game, so he already felt exposed and criticized. In fact, there was never a time that seemed like the right time to think about exactly what was going on, why the thought of Touya dating someone—particularly someone who was  _bad_   _at_   _go_ —upset him so badly.  
  
After Touya had gotten so annoyed at him about the game, Hikaru wasn't sure if their plans for Saturday still held. He had been trying to avoid Touya as much as possible, except for checking his game results of course, so he didn't know if Touya had calmed down about it or not. But then on Friday, Touya called him and suggested that Hikaru come over to his house.  
  
"My parents are in Taiwan," he said, which did sound familiar now Hikaru thought about it. Hikaru often went over to Touya's when his father was off on another go-playing experience quest or something. For someone who talked a lot about moving out and living alone, Touya seemed to really hate being alone in the house.  
  
So Hikaru showed up at Touya's at eleven am sharp, tapping his fan lightly against his thigh as he waited for Touya to come to the door.  
  
As soon as Touya opened the door, Hikaru felt that same odd feeling wash over him that had made him so uneasy in the go practice room earlier in the week. Touya was wearing a dark maroon sweater, the sleeves pushed up a little so Hikaru could see his pale wrists, and he looked a little tired, although he smiled politely as he let Hikaru in.  
  
"Do you want some tea?" Touya asked, gesturing to the kitchen, but Hikaru shook his head.  
  
"Let's just play," he said. He didn't know why he felt so nervous now when he played Touya all the time.  
  
Except that it wasn't new, this thing where he saw Touya and his heart started racing. It had always been this way. Hikaru still remembered what it was like when they were younger and Touya was still refusing to acknowledge him, the way he used to feel jumpy for days just knowing he would be at an event that Touya would likely be at as well, even if there was no chance of them playing each other. It was always what had propelled him forward, made him want to be better at go so that he would see Touya all the time and maybe Touya would actually talk to him. It just hadn't seemed significant until this stupid Ito kid showed up, and people were suddenly telling Hikaru that this feeling of wanting to be with Touya all the time and not wanting Touya to date people wasn't normal. It wasn't fair.  
  
Touya led him to one of their go-bans—the Touya household had several—and sat opposite Hikaru, picking up his go-ke to nigiri.  
  
Hikaru pushed aside his thoughts and grabbed his own go-ke, placing two black stones neatly on the go-ban.  
  
Touya counted out the white stones in his fist: seven. So Hikaru was white. They switched stones, and Touya placed his first move.  
  
There was a way this usually worked. No matter how anxious he was before a game, no matter how high the stakes or how badly he wanted to win, there was a calmness that always spread through Hikaru once the first stone had been played. The game changed from something in the future that Hikaru was anticipating to something in the present that he could deal with as it happened, reacting to his opponent's moves, thinking, reading, moving, reacting again. It was a relief to get into the rhythm of the game, to be able to focus on nothing other than what was unfolding on the board. Usually.  
  
But for some reason, right now, Hikaru didn't feel any calmer. He made his first move, and Touya responded. Hikaru tried to work through some possible strategies and shapes, seeing them spin out on the board like ghosts from the three stones already placed. But none of them seemed quite right as a way to beat Touya.  
  
Hikaru placed his next stone, unsure. He would have to play it based on what Touya was trying to do.  
  
And yet, as the battle began to develop, Hikaru kept getting distracted. Touya placed a stone, and Hikaru's eyes traced the path of his long fingers rather than concentrating on the stone's placement. Touya shifted position, and Hikaru found himself glancing up at him, watching the way his hair fell when he tilted his head to look at the board from a new angle. Touya cleared his throat, and Hikaru's thought process got completely derailed. Why hadn't he ever noticed how distracting it was, the way Touya looked at the board? Hikaru knew very well what Touya's game face was like from watching him play others, but he had never paid attention to it during one of their matches. It was mesmerizing, the way his eyes shone as he contemplated, the way his brows drew together in deep thought.  
  
As a result, the situation on the board grew more and more dire. Hikaru had wanted to play even better than last week, to impress Touya with his brilliance, but he couldn't keep track of what was happening. He couldn't even remember the last time he had been so distracted during a match. It felt like it did when he played two people at once: he was keeping part of his mind focused on the game, and part of his mind focused on watching Touya. Maybe this was the only reason Ito had lost to Touya so badly; maybe he was secretly good at go after all.  
  
Touya seemed to be shifting position more now, frowning at the board, and Hikaru felt himself prickling with embarrassment. He knew he was playing terribly. His eyes trailed down to Touya's exposed wrists and he bit his lip, struck by the desire to reach out and touch. He wanted to push over the go-ban (gently, of course, they were expensive), grab Touya's shoulders and see what it would be like to have Touya look at him like that, completely absorbed. Or better yet, to get that kind of smile that Touya had given to Ito, sweet and positively grateful. For a fleeting second, for maybe the first time in his entire life since meeting Sai, Hikaru had the feeling that the go they were playing wasn't important, that there was something else he wanted more. He squeezed his eyes shut, and shook his head to clear it.  
  
It was his turn. Hikaru turned his gaze back to the board, looking desperately at the stones as if he could somehow make up for all this time he hadn't been paying attention by just looking extra hard. The stones seemed to stare back at him accusingly. It was a mess. Hikaru's territory was disjointed and messy, and he had no way to get in the way of Touya's stones connecting.  
  
Hikaru made his move, placing the stone down firmly, with a confidence he did not feel. Touya placed his stone right away. Hikaru had probably played right into whatever Touya wanted him to do. He kept trying to figure it out, to read more deeply, but his brain felt fried. He couldn't do this when he felt so worked up, that was the point of go. It demanded everything of you.  
  
"I resign," Hikaru stammered. His hands felt clammy.  
  
Touya looked up at him in surprise. It had been obvious who was going to win, of course, but Hikaru guessed Touya was surprised because Hikaru hardly ever resigned to him. It was more his nature to fight it out to the end, always hoping for a last-second opening.  
  
Hikaru rose to his feet, feeling shaky. "I'll be right back," he said. He walked out of the room in the direction of the bathroom, hoping it seemed like a normal thing to do, but as soon as he got into the next room and out of sight he leaned back against the wall, covering his face with his hands. What the hell was wrong with him? Why was everything about Touya suddenly so confusing and weird?  
  
Hikaru stayed there for a minute, trying to pull himself together. It was ridiculous to be playing a game of go and focusing on what your opponent looked like. It was the kind of thing he would have done when he was in junior high, not now, not when it was literally his job to play go well.  
  
After some time, Hikaru heard the sounds from the next room of Touya shifting, and then footsteps. And then Touya was standing in front of him, looking bemused.  
  
"Are you alright, Shindo?" he said.  
  
Well, not now that Touya was here  _looking_  at him, he wasn't. Obviously.  
  
"I'm fine," Hikaru said. "Sorry, I'm having an off day."  
  
"It's okay," Touya said. He stared at Hikaru for a second, and then he said quietly, "Ito and I broke up."  
  
"What?" Hikaru said, ignoring the way his chest seized up at the thought. "When?"  
  
"Yesterday morning," Touya said. "He broke up with me."  
  
" _Why_?"  
  
Touya didn't say anything for a moment. He seemed to be standing very close to Hikaru, closer than usual for someone so reserved and solitary. His eyes flicked down and then up, and Hikaru felt breathless.  
  
"He said that—it was clear you were obsessed with me, and—"  
  
"I'm what?"  
  
"Obsessed with me," Touya said, flushing pink. "I don't know, it's what he said. And that, um."  
  
Touya stopped, and looked down, seeming self-conscious. Slowly, he raised a hand and put it on Hikaru's hip, glancing up cautiously to see if Hikaru was okay with it.

Hikaru couldn’t take it anymore. “And that _what?_ ”

“That... I talked about you too much to not reciprocate.” Touya leveled his gaze right at Hikaru, refusing to look away. Hikaru knew the look: it was a challenge.  
  
It was too much. Hikaru grabbed the front of Touya's shirt, leaned forward, and pressed his mouth to Touya's.  
  
Touya made a surprised  _mmf_  noise, and for a second Hikaru thought he was all wrong. But then Touya melted against him and kissed him back. Hikaru pulled him closer, pressing their bodies together, and Touya reached up and threaded his hand through Hikaru's hair, his mouth dropping open like he couldn't get enough. Hikaru felt something within him spark with excitement at the implication; he could hardly believe this was happening.

But— “Wait,” Hikaru said, drawing back. Touya’s hand was still clenched in his hair. His face was flushed and his lips were red, and he was already breathing a little more heavily. It was amazing. Hikaru couldn't believe anyone had broken up with him. He wanted to find Ito and yell at him. “You talked about me? What did you say about me?”  
  
Touya frowned, remembering. Hikaru loved his serious face. "I think when he said it I was talking about your game with Isumi last year. That move you made in the lower right, it was so powerful."  
  
Hikaru laughed, almost giddy. He knew someone who wasn't good at go couldn't be good at being Touya's boyfriend.  
  
"What?" Touya said.  
  
"Nothing," Hikaru said, and pulled him in again. Later, they could play a real match. If Hikaru was distracted again, at least he could be sure that Touya would be too.

 


End file.
